XII.
SHe grabs me by the shoulders and steers me to the sofa, so
straightaway I start smiling because it means we are going to have a
'serious' talk. I like those the best, master is so serious, sHe tries
to tell me what to do. It makes my back hairs stand up and tickle.
"You are writing things, aren't you?" she starts.
"Yeah", I say.
"Look, ah, nihongo ga wakarimasuka?" sHe starts again in Japanese,
asking me if I understand Japanese.
"Atarimaeyo," I say back, "Atashino ichiban saishou no gengo to anata
ga yoku wakatteiruyo. Nande?"
"Well, can you understand this - atashi to isshoni nama ebi to
kurenaiyo?"
"Iie, wakaran," I say, "what the hell do you mean?"
"Oh well, we have established, then, that there are different languages, si?"
"OK, I see", I say, "but everybody knows that."
"Yes, but," sHe goes on, "you wouldn't know that you didn't understand
what I was saying if you didn't know Japanese in the first place,
therefore, there are different languages..I mean, you can't
MISunderstand, if you don't have a common code to misunderstand with,
otherwise it would just be so much noise to you, you wouldn't even hear
a language, no communication, not even miscommunication would be
possible."
"You've been reading too much," I say.
SHe wrinkles up a pretty nose, and keeps going, "Parlez vous Francais?"
"Je ne parle pas Francais, " I say, because I know that much.
SHe starts snickering, keh ke keh, and I ask what's the matter.
"Oh, it's funny, that's all, archetypal paradox, you know, like, 'I am
lying'..."
I wait for a minute, because I know there is a lesson for me here, sHe
is trying to tell me something, I am not sure what, but after a minute,
I get impatient.
"You want me to read more, don't you, so I can write better."
"Yes, don't you realise that you cannot think without language, without
words to hang your thoughts onto and organize? The smaller your range,
the less you can say."
"No, I don't think so, " I say, "For a start, I can think without
language, and it's better too, because it is not in a line. You have to
put words in a line, but things don't happen in a line. Anyway, what are
all those people downstairs doing when they are chanting and doing their
exercizes? They are trying to stop words coming into their thinkings, at
each bit of time, till there's no bits of time, instead of putting
things in a line all the time. Too many words get in the way, make
edges that you can't step over. In that case, the less you can say, the
wider your range, I would think."
"So you do read french," sHe mumbles.
"Huh?"
"Then, you are bound to have people misunderstand you, you use a
limited vocabulary and syntax, and then people will not know the hell
what you really want to say, what you are meaning."
"Oh well, they probably won't anyway," I say, "not unless they have
been in this body with me, hey walk a mile in my shoes, people who
read what I write can make any meanings they like.."
I was going to go on a bit more, but sHe interrupted.
"Haven't you thought something, but have been unable to articulate it
then? Like, what did you feel like when you couldn't speak English so
well? I know, it was sometimes frustrating for you...and you can't
learn words' senses from a dictionary - like most things, you need to
learn how to mean in experience, in a using words context, while doing
something..."
SHe trailed off, no doubt limited by lack of explanatory power in this
instance. I said nothing, sHe needed time to compose words in his mind.
"Look," sHe says, and this means a bit of exasperation with me, "You
agree that there are languages, and languages have rules, otherwise no
communication would be possible, the language of no language we'd have.
There is a system to it. The system is not closed, the rules aren't
fixed, it is at all levels mutable upon renegotiation...So, all I am
saying is that you need to become acquainted with the rules if you are
going to make any sense at all, if you are even going to be
misunderstood. And, then you need to have practice in playing, you need
to use what you learn in one place, by playing with it in another...then
it becomes second nature, it comes out without thinking."
I nod, thinking.
Then I say, "I see that you can play with language, you can play games
and you need to have something to play with, to move around into
different shapes, and you have to have someone to play with too, or, I
suppose I could play with myself."
I start grinning and running my hands from my neck down to my crotch,
then down to my knee, jump onto master's knee and up.
"What's that you've got between your legs!" I yell, giggling.
"I was saving that till later," sHe says laying back on the sofa and
spreading them apart.
"What are words without actions anyway," sHe whispers,
and I put Plan B from Outerspace into action.